Trigger Warning: Motherhood and Fertility
Now that I love my body I've started to take its wellbeing, its future wellbeing and my wants for my body much more seriously. That includes my fertility. For years I never truly solidified my desire to have children.
I’d make a joke of it: “It’ll happen one day, someday, no biggy.”
Mainly because we are told that talking about it makes you sound desperate and could scare off a potential partner. And obviously our ultimate goal is to find that partner isn’t it? I wonder what other parts of myself I’ve quashed so I appear attractive to a man...?
(Oh let’s not forget that men want to be fathers too, but Toxic Masculinity interferes with that. Don’t underestimate men and #fucktoxicmasculinity)
Well fuck. Now I’m 36.
It’s time to take things a heck of a lot more seriously.
I need to get real with myself. Perhaps I won’t find a partner to have a family with. Or if I do perhaps it’ll be too late to have a baby naturally. And working through all those thoughts has made me realise: It’s up to me. I am the only one I can rely on in this situation so what can I do to take my future motherhood into my control?
First up: Egg Freezing. If you watch my Instagram stories you’ll have seen that I’ve done a couple of rounds and now have 11 wee eggs in a tank in a hospital in Edinburgh. (If you know anyone needing info then send ‘em my way and check out my Instagram Highlights).
And I’ve done some serious thinking about becoming a mother by myself in the next few years if it was right. Not yet, but I would.
It’s kinda beautiful when you allow yourself to be truthful about what you really want and fuck the consequences. I want to be a mother more than anything else in life. I don't know where it came from but it’s there. I am excited by that thought and I’m excited for my future. Those stars will align because I’ll make them. No more skirting around that truth.
Next time you find yourself downplaying something you really want. Stop. Be serious. Oh, and take your fertility seriously.
If you thought that was honest and interesting then you should see all the other shit I talk about: