DATING ADVICE... (FROM A PRo)
Online dating can crumple your soul into a million pieces if you don't have golden resilience and give zero fucks.
Someone recently sent me a message and asked how I prevent my self-esteem taking a dive whilst online swiping, navigating shite dates and being ghosted. So! Off the top of my head I came up with my top tips!
HERE WE GO:
1. Go in with a firm idea of what you want. Like attracts like and if you go in thinking everyone is a wanker and just out for a shag or expecting to be ghosted then those prophecies will be fulfilled. (Just wanting a shag is fine by the way, just be firm with what YOU want)
2. I have a dating checklist to make sure I'm continuing to see someone for the right reasons. (I've added it below for you to have a look.) Normally I review the list after the second date (if the guy gets there). Your list may look very different to mine- we all have our own needs, histories and insecurities which drive our behaviour so since you know yourself best then write up a list that makes sense to you. It's a good thing to create and review so you don't find yourself chasing the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
3. When you feel things may not be going the way you want then remember: You were fine before you met them, you'll be fine after. (We provide our own self esteem, we don't find it in the attraction of others. Ok? Now repeat that.)
4. Remind yourself daily that you deserve to be happy and some great advice: *you really will know, when you know.* It will be a yes feeling from both of you and you will want to see each other again and again, and if that's not happening from one side then time to move on to the next person because there are plenty of other people out there. Fuck ambivalence and ambiguity. Be straight up and expect that from them. If you aren't getting clarity, then ask for it. If you still don't get it then recognise that you deserve more than being treated as a toy to be played with.
5. Put a ten minute timer on swiping per night because it can get obsessive and depressing (you just have to have a look at my #dannidoesdating Insta highlight to know what I mean), so limit that shit to stop you going down a rabbit hole.
6. Be sparky with your chat. (My sister refers to my flirting style as 'obnoxious sarcasm'. Ha!) But I think if people are boring or can't take some jibes then I need to weed that stuff out quickly. Show the true colours of your personality from the get go or else someone's gonna be massively confused further down the line.
7. I find that honesty is the best policy. I've been brutally honest with some guys recently and it's served me well. I ain't into wasting their, and mainly my own, time.
8. There are plenty of people out there with shite personalities who have found someone who loves them. My personality is blinding so really I think my light shines a little too brightly for some people and I'm sure that's the same for loads of other people too (I'm looking at you). We don't want the partners who are gonna dull our shine. Right? Good. Do not compromise.
9. Stop making up stories about why you think it didn't work: stop blaming your body, your chat, your situation. The truth is: you weren't aligned with that person for whatever reason and it's good that it ended, if it needed to end. Fuck the reason. Knowing it is not going to make you happier or your head healthier. It didn't work, let the reason die with the relationship and then go looking for someone else to date where there isn't a reason.
10. And the best heterosexual mantra for my female friends, courtesy of a Mumsnet thread my pal sent me is: "Dick is abundant and low value" I'm off to take my own advice.
Let me know your other tips please!?